Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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