i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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