I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
