for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
