I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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