Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
