Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
