my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
