I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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