dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
