my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
