Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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