you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
