We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
