ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
