I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
