I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
