I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
