I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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