two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
