you have to choose: penises or morals?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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