...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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