Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
