I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
