Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
