have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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