she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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