doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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