When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
