JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
