Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
