Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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