you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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