Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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