Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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