i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
