apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
