A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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