All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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