I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
