So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
