i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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