That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
