The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love having hate sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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