Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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