and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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