so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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