I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
