watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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