No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
