i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
