don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
