The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize