so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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