Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize