If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
