please come you make the beer taste better
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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