things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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