yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
