I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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