this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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