paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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