I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
