I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
even my farts smell like vagina
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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