Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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