i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
