Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
